When we choose to be mad or hold on anger it is of absolutely no benefit. In fact most of the time the person we are mad at does not even know the reason why or the extent to which they have hurt or betrayed. Work through the feelings and let it go! It is time to resolve any situations in your life that resentments are harbored. Be free from the torment. This does not mean that we have to be in relationship with any person that has violated, betrayed or caused hurt; however we do need to forgive. We are all human and make mistakes. Accept what has happened, there is nothing that we can do to go back and change it. Learn from the incident to the point of saying “If I could go back and do it again, I would do it differently”. This is wisdom. Forgive, as you would want to be forgiven. It is very simple and empowering.
If there are feelings of anger toward self for past choices or decisions, again let it go. We have to make mistakes. In fact, we cannot succeed in life without making mistakes. Ruminating over them too much can make you fearful or unwilling to take future risks. Living in the past prevents you from being fully present in the moment. Everything in life is happening just as it is meant to happen. The plan has already been laid. We have to do our part. Be our very best! Suit up and show up every day to put forth every effort to determine the direction of your life from this point forward.
Forgiveness and making amends is a choice, not a feeling. We can choose every moment to forgive and trust again. Forgiveness means to never use the situation or circumstance as ammunition again. This means it will not be talked about it or addressed any longer, choose to let it go. If bad thoughts of the incident enter the brain, it is our choice and responsibility to cope with the feelings and let the thought go. Forgiveness is amazing and you may be surprised how you will see unnecessary pressure release from your body, mind, and spirit. It is truly a wonderful feeling to let go of anger and resentments!
Forgiveness is essential to your happiness and goal attainment. There is not one good reason to stay angry and not forgive. Forgiveness must be part of our life. Every day, while interacting with people, we must be forgiving. Also when we are wrong, we must promptly admit it, make amends and move on. Any time we violate someone else (mate, children, co-worker, family member, stranger, no person is excluded!), meaning, speak in an abrupt tone, yell, become impatient, intolerant or get angry amends must now become part of your day. Say, “I’m sorry”. Simple. Not “I’m sorry, but you made me.” This is ineffective because we begin to justify why we acted inappropriately. Remember less is best. Take responsibility, make adjustments in your attitude, and your day and no more blaming.
Forgive. Embrace your humanness and those around you. In your pursuit of a healthy lifestyle, give yourself and those around you permission to make mistakes. Life will be much more satisfying and fulfilling!
Dr. Susan Pazak, PhD is a licensed psychologist and consulting professional at NSIGHT Psychology and Addiction in Newport Beach, California.